May 13, 2017

Quote of the Week

"The kids who need the most love will ask for it in the most unloving of ways." -- Unknown

Meeting Aggression With Compassion: A Father's Personal Journey

"The other week I had an experience of encountering aggression between my two boys. I walked into my son's room and my older son had hit (or poked or something) my younger son and my younger son was screaming and crying. I ran in there, held my younger son and I yelled at my older son, "What are you doing? How many times did I tell you you don't hit people?" He was like, "He was antagonizing me." (He's got all these fancy vocabulary words for the ways people torture him.)

I said, "No matter what he did, you can't hit him!" I was almost in a fighter mode, ready to hit him myself. I didn't do that, but I had that energy like, "You do that again and you're going to get swatted." I know that energy, because that's the energy I grew up with. My son responded and said, "Oh, I'm sorry, Dad, I'm sorry." In that moment, it occurred to me that the person who needed the most love and compassion was the one who was doing the hitting!"

Continue reading to find out how a deep shift that one father (from the Kindful Kids community) experienced in this moment transformed his interactions with his sons, enabling him to meet aggression with compassion towards the one who needed it the most. [read blog]

Reading Corner

Title: Steps and Stones: An Anh's Anger Story
By: Gail Silver
Ages: 4-8

Why? "When Anh's friends leave and he feels left out at school, his anger shows up to keep him company. Anh the protagonist of Gail Silver's previous book Anh's Anger, is a typical and easy-to-relate-to elementary school-age boy. His anger, personified as a red hairy impulsive creature, teaches him some valuable lessons about not getting carried away by his strong emotions. By counting his steps and coordinating them with his breathing Anh is able to slow down and take his anger for a peaceful and magically transformative walk." -- Publishers

Be the Change

Next time your child is behaving aggressively, instead of immediately reacting try connecting with your child. Get down to make yourself at eye level with your child and try to put yourself in his/her shoes to understand the situation from their perspective. Transform your own frustration into compassion in that moment and watch and see how the interaction unfolds.