Raising a Caring and Compassionate Child

"Like many things, kindness is a quality that children learn over time and through practice. Thankfully, there are many things you can do to encourage your child to be a kinder, gentler person. Research has found that the desire to help and comfort comes just as naturally to humans as being self-centered or hurtful. "It's almost as though we're born predisposed to be upset by other people's pain," says Alfie Kohn, author of The Brighter Side of Human Nature: Altruism and Empathy in Everyday Life. [...] The following suggestions will help you to teach your child about being goodhearted and compassionate. But in the words of author/psychologist Dr. Julius Segal, nothing "will work in the absence of an indestructible link of caring between parent and child." When you kiss your daughter's boo-boos or read cozy bedtime stories to your son, you are giving your children the base that enables them to reach out to others. "If a child has never felt understood by her parents or unconditionally loved, her own needs may continue to ring so loudly in her ears that she is deaf to the cries of other people in distress," Kohn says." [ read more ]

Title: Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason
by: Alfie Kohn Stage: Any
"Like most parents, I've read a wide range of parenting books over the years, in some cases seeking very basic practical guidance on health and physical development in the early years and in other cases seeking inspiration on my parenting journey, hoping to raise loving, compassionate and kind children. The themes and approach offered in Unconditional Parenting turn most other parenting theories on their heads. It is a provocative book that invites us to explore what it means to unconditionally love our children and how we can express this through our actions and words. The author challenges the value of commonly used techniques recommended in many parenting books, including the use of rewards and punishments, such as timeouts. He explains how and why they make children feel only conditionally loved, which in turn, limits their own capacity to cultivate empathy, compassion and unconditional love for others. This book had a deeply profound impact on my parenting journey and I am so grateful that I had a chance to read it while my kids are young, giving me time to slowly cultivate in my own heart what it takes to become an unconditional parent -- but even if your kids are older or even if you don't have kids, I would still highly recommend it, as these principles are relevant not only to children, but to all the relationships in our lives!" -- Trishna Shah

Find a "teachable moment" this week with your kids, in which you help them to develop their empathy muscles. Invite children to put themselves in another person's shoes for a moment, whether it's a positive or negative situation, and ask them to imagine how they feel and why. In fact, you might want to try this yourself first to genuinely understand what your kids can learn from the experience :)