"If you don't love yourself, you cannot love others. You will not be able to love others. If you have no compassion for yourself then you are not able of developing compassion for others." -- Dalai Lama
5 Ways to Foster Self-Compassion in Your Child
Some say self-esteem is the best thing you can give to a kid; others, like "Tiger Mama" Amy Chua, say we take praise too far.
A new field of research, however, suggests the focus on self-esteem is distracting parents from imparting a far more important life skill: self-compassion.
Often misunderstood as self-indulgent, self-compassion, as defined by pioneering researcher Kristin Neff of the University of Texas at Austin, has three aspects: mindfulness of your own thoughts and feelings, a sense of a common humanity and treating your self kindly. Neff's book, Self-Compassion (William Morrow, 2011), was released in April.
While artificially building self-esteem has recently been linked to a number of mental health problems, including narcissism and emotional fragility, self-compassion is associated with resilience, enhanced energy levels, creativity and general life success.
Here are five ways you can help your child develop this critical life skill.
A new field of research, however, suggests the focus on self-esteem is distracting parents from imparting a far more important life skill: self-compassion.
Often misunderstood as self-indulgent, self-compassion, as defined by pioneering researcher Kristin Neff of the University of Texas at Austin, has three aspects: mindfulness of your own thoughts and feelings, a sense of a common humanity and treating your self kindly. Neff's book, Self-Compassion (William Morrow, 2011), was released in April.
While artificially building self-esteem has recently been linked to a number of mental health problems, including narcissism and emotional fragility, self-compassion is associated with resilience, enhanced energy levels, creativity and general life success.
Here are five ways you can help your child develop this critical life skill.
Reading Corner
Title: The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions
By: Christopher Germer Ages: Adults
"Buck up." "Stop feeling sorry for yourself." "Don't ruin everything." When you are anxious, sad, angry, or lonely, do you hear this self-critical voice? What would happen if, instead of fighting difficult emotions, we accepted them? Over his decades of experience as a therapist and mindfulness meditation practitioner, Dr. Christopher Germer has learned a paradoxical lesson: We all want to avoid pain, but letting it in--and responding compassionately to our own imperfections, without judgment or self-blame--are essential steps on the path to healing. This wise and eloquent book illuminates the power of self-compassion and offers creative, scientifically grounded strategies for putting it into action. You'll master practical techniques for living more fully in the present moment -- especially when hard-to-bear emotions arise -- and for being kind to yourself when you need it the most. Free audio downloads of the meditation exercises are available at the author's website. -- Goodreads Review
By: Christopher Germer Ages: Adults
"Buck up." "Stop feeling sorry for yourself." "Don't ruin everything." When you are anxious, sad, angry, or lonely, do you hear this self-critical voice? What would happen if, instead of fighting difficult emotions, we accepted them? Over his decades of experience as a therapist and mindfulness meditation practitioner, Dr. Christopher Germer has learned a paradoxical lesson: We all want to avoid pain, but letting it in--and responding compassionately to our own imperfections, without judgment or self-blame--are essential steps on the path to healing. This wise and eloquent book illuminates the power of self-compassion and offers creative, scientifically grounded strategies for putting it into action. You'll master practical techniques for living more fully in the present moment -- especially when hard-to-bear emotions arise -- and for being kind to yourself when you need it the most. Free audio downloads of the meditation exercises are available at the author's website. -- Goodreads Review
Recommended by Cubs Editors
Be the Change
Self-compassion research cites the benefits of role-modeling self-compassion for children. How self-compassionate are you? Take this quiz to find out.
Especially for parents of teens, this article discusses research on being a self-compassionate parent.
Especially for parents of teens, this article discusses research on being a self-compassionate parent.
