Nuggets From Shelly Francis's Call
ServiceSpace
--Aryae Coopersmith
7 minute read
Jul 27, 2020

 

Last Saturday, we had the privilege of hosting Awakin Call with Shelly Francis.

Shelly Francis, author of The Courage Way: Leading and Living with Integrity (2018), is passionate about "amplifying ‘voice and agency’ of people with remarkable and relevant ideas." She says "voice and agency" are code words for courage. "I believe the world is calling for courage of all kinds, and we can each be exemplars of courage without even realizing it.” For Shelly, there are many types of courage (physical, moral, social, creative and collective), and courage "isn't just something you do on the spur of the moment but can be cultivated." She previously worked in a range of sectors and found herself veering toward the “consciousness” sector. From 2012-2018, she was Marketing and Communications Director of the Center for Courage and Renewal, founded by Parker Palmer, following her role as Associate Director of Marketing for multimedia publisher Sounds True, Inc.

Below are some of the nuggets from the call that stood out for me:

  • Quoting Parker Palmer: “Violence is what happens when we don't know what else to do with our own suffering.”
  • On Creativity:
    • "Creativity also shows up in creating community or creating a life after the one you're living isn't what you expected. There's so many...it's creating a new model for schools like you did by starting your new school. It's creating a life after you leave a job. So creativity just shows up in so many ways."
    • "Sometimes we just have to do what we have to do, and that means standing solid in who we are. But I put creative courage in the center, perhaps because that's just my favorite word. Creativity, I think, is what we're going to need to overcome all of our default responses. And I think creativity also comes from the heart. So that's why I would put it in the middle."
  • Turning to Wonder:  "One of my favorite practices that come out of the Circle-of-Trust approach that really is one of the three main practices that leaders told me were really important to them ... is the practice phrased like this:  'When the going gets rough, turn to wonder.' And, what that means is that you take a moment to say, 'I wonder what is bringing that person into that emotion?'  Whether it's jealousy or shaming and blaming or some kind of intense emotion.  'I wonder what their story is behind that. I wonder what my reaction is telling me.' So the idea of turning to wonder is -- that's the shorthand for that whole phrase -- is when we can face those kinds of situations with a sense of curiosity and also use that shortcut to take us out of being derailed in our conversation into our own mental argument but just say, 'Okay, I wonder what all is going on with that person.  But for now, I'm going to return to being present and just sit and listen to their story.'"  
  • Honest Open Questions:  "Then you might pair that, if there's a chance, with an open, honest question.  Open, honest questions are a practice that take a lot of time to cultivate and hit or miss, but it's a question you couldn't possibly know the answer to. It's not a yes or no question. It's not a question that you're trying to ask to get someone to agree with you or a leading question like attorneys and journalists often do to get their point across.  But ask a question that helps you get to know that person or helps them get to know where they're coming from in a genuine way.  So is there a way that you can have a conversation with them? And, if not, is there a way to just look inward with curiosity?"
  • "It's Not About Me": "The third suggestion would just be, 'How can you be a duck, like water, and let it roll off and say, "That's not about me. That's about them."' And bless them and go on your way, but knowing your own sense of inner truth is important."
  • Complexity, Truth and Paradox:
    • ​​​​​​​"There's so much complexity that paradox isn't just two things anymore. It's not two great truths. There are so many truths, so many intersecting complexities about our identity and how we're raised and the structures that we are swimming in."
    • "Truth is an enduring conversation about things that matter. It's an eternal conversation."
  • Shame and Courage:  "In chapter five of The Courage Way, there's a story about a facilitator named Rosie in Tasmania who was doing circle work with prisoners in Risdon prison who did not know how to read. And one of the things that just stood out to me so much is that she said, 'Just to reflect back to them that their willingness to admit that they couldn't read and their willingness to learn how to read was a point of courage. And nobody had ever pointed out to them that this thing that they had a sense of deep shame about was actually a sense of courage.'"
More nuggets from the call:
  • I go way back with elephants, ever since I was a child living in Ojai. I heard about an elephant that roller skates, and asked my parents to take me to see her. It was an amazing experience for me as a child.
  • Many years later, when I was writing my book, The Courage Way, I saw a painting of this same elephant. It’s like she was still with me, waiting for me at the Center for Courage and Renewal. Synchronicity? Wow!
  • Elephants represent wholeness. It goes back to the Persian tale of the five blind men. One man feels the trunk and says, “An elephant is like a snake!” An other feels the ears and says, “An elephant is like a fan!” Etc. The elephant is all of these, and is the whole.
  • My elephant, Tara, is now living in a sanctuary in Tennessee. She has truly accompanied me on my life journey.
  • In 2nd grade i wrote books to share with friends. I wrote one about Timmy the Turtle and Sammy the Worm who were friends. I called it Friendships. I stitched it together with thread and sent it in to Highlights Magazine, a children’s book publisher. I thought, who better to write children’s books than nine-year-old me?
  • I wrote The Courage Way when I was at the Center for Courage and Renewal. I was trying to pin down our process. To talk about circles of trust. To equip people to show up in work and life with wholeness and authenticity.
  • Pretty much every institution in the world today needs to be re-imagined and reinvented.
  • What is happening these days with people who individually and organizationally are making these changes? I traveled and interviewed people. I would ask, “What are the essentials of courage? How does this show up?”
  • I came up with five essentials of courage, three ingredients and two practices:
    • True Self
    • Trust
    • Community
    • Paradox
    • Reflection
  • The word courage comes from coeur, heart in French. So courage is not only in you, it is you.
  • Our biological reactions drive our fear and anxiety. Fight or flight, or freeze (“deer in the headlights”). And research has also identified another biological reaction, flock, which in it’s positive aspect can be described as “tend and befriend.”
  • Each of our biological reactions can have a negative side, as a behavior of fear or violence, and a positive side, as a type of courage.
  • I draw a diagram of what I call the five types of courage. At the four corners:
    • Fight
    • Flight
    • Freeze
    • Flock
  • And in the center is Fortify — strengthening the human heart. This seems especially relevant at this time.
  • Courage during the pandemic is a very big topic now. For me this is about creative courage. Creating community. Creating a new model for schools. Creating a new life after you leave the job.
  • There are different types of courage:
    • physical courage
    • moral courage
    • social courage
    • creative courage
    • collective courage
  • I founded Creative Courage Press as a publishing opportunity for creative authors who write about courage and might not find outlets elsewhere. Our first author is Mukta Panda, M.D., whose book, Resilient Threads, deals with the epidemic of physician and caregiver burnout, and physician suicide. And explores what it means to be a compassionate physician.
  • When I was in 2nd grade I wrote a recipe for happiness. It included these ingredients:
      • 5 cups of kindness
      • 10 cups of giving
      • 10,000 cups of love
      • 5 cups “receipting” others
      • place in a bowl and mix very well
  • In our world today there are people who mis-perceive kindness as weakness. Actually it is just the opposite. It takes courage to be kind.

Lots of gratitude to Shelly Francis, to Andy for a superb job of moderating, to all the behind-the-scenes volunteers that made this call happen, and to Preeta who holds us all together!

Aryae
 
 

Posted by Aryae Coopersmith on Jul 27, 2020