A Smile Goes A Long Way
ServiceSpace
--Mia Tagano
4 minute read
Mar 1, 2017

 



Currently, Mondays are my only days off - which also means it is, for me, Grandma/Bachan Day...last Monday I wasn't able to see her so I was especially happy and excited to get to see her today. When I am gone longer than a week, I wonder will she know we belong to each other? I no longer assume she will know that I am her granddaughter OR the details of our history together but I still expect her to know I am family somehow. I understand that there may come a day when she doesn't. Thankfully, when I approached her room this afternoon and tapped on the window in front of her, she saw me with recognition. She clapped her hands together and motioned for me to come to her, which I did, and we hugged a long time. It has been so long since I've seen you! Thank you for coming! Where do you live nowadays? Is it far? I haven't seen you in a long time. I can't believe you are here. Do you want to go for a walk? I ask. Yes, let's go, she says. I help her out of her chair, turn off the chair alarm and we walk arm and arm down the hall. My legs are funny these days, she says. I don't do much walking but this is good for me! We walk down the hall and see that the rehab room is open. Do you want to go in there? I ask. Okay! We walk into the room and say hello to the busy expressionless people at their tables. Is it okay if we come in for a bit? Yes, that's fine one says with just a touch of annoyance. I ignore this and keep smiling kindly. I ask them if they know my grandmother. They say, yes. Did you know she was an athlete and a farmer? Do you know she played golf and was very good? No they didn't but their faces seem to soften. I believe when we know each other's stories,it is harder to hate or hurt one another. Hating and hurting others can be very subtle, a dismissive glance, a sneer, silence - there are many examples of the nuances that harm. I toss the large ball to my grandmother who catches no problem. I help her stand next to a railing just in case she needs to steady herself. The next time I toss the ball to her she smacks it hard, gleefully as if testing her own strength. Just thought I'd do something different!she says with a big smile. Good job! I say and we both laugh happy laughs. A few more passes with the big red ball and - Are you ready to go? Yes, she says. Good-bye! Thank you! We say to those in the room. This time there are smiles. It takes so little, doesn't it? To smile and to cause a smile. Where is my room? My grandmother asks. It isn't far, I say, let's go! And so we do. We get back to her room which she recognizes as soon as we walk through the door - she heads directly to her wheel chair. I have something for you, I say. Oh good! she replies. I set up a bowl and tea cup as I serve her miso soup with rice and green tea. She is so excited. I never get this here, she says. So good!!! So good!!! Afterwards, I do her nails and we play a couple rounds of solitaire (I am her dealer and her gentle guide)...she plays two rounds and is so excited both times when she "wins." When bed time comes, we put away the cards together, and I help her change into pajamas after massaging her legs. She hugs me hard. I feel her breathing into me. Earlier, I called my mother so she could talk to her mom. My grandmother told her that someday soon she would be going to the cemetery. She wasn't sad when she said it, just being practical. She is in her last years, and slowing down. She tells her daughter, I will not forget you, come visit me before I go. All with a smile on her face. I'll be waiting she says. I love you. I love you too my mother says. And, then, my grandmother promptly forgets the conversation. We are in a new moment. Moment to moment. 

 

Posted by Mia Tagano on Mar 1, 2017


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