Bachan, my grandmother, has had a series of health setbacks recently that have surfaced thorny challenges, and plenty of opportunities for me to practice 'standing my sacred ground'. In an environment where administrators and health practitioners can quickly grow defensive, I have tried to stay in curiosity and keep it human to human.  Keeping it human is one thing that is slowing folks down.  For instance at the hospital Sunday, a woman came in to take blood from my grandmother. I asked her if she was good at finding the vein. She side mouthed,
I don't know." I said, "Treat her like she was your grandmother. I don't want her to hurt anymore."  Bachan chimed in with, "Wow you are so good looking!" (She was a beautiful African American woman with braids)...how can you not soften?) Later, the woman said, "Never apologize for loving and caring for someone. You telling me to treat her like my grandmother made me pause." She ended up using the smallest needle and got the blood on the first shot.  Then the doctor came in and wanted to put a catheter in my grandmother which I've witnessed done to her before. It was awful.  I questioned this which made him slow down. And, later when I asked about her bruises (and possible suspicious injuries), he responded with doctor talk over and over  with no opinion - I said, "Please just answer me like a human." He paused and responded truthfully from his heart.  When we left, we thanked everyone by name.  Today I acknowledged the senior administrator of the home for his years of service in health care - "I looked you up, you've been in the business a long time, I know you know your job" He promised to investigate more into my grandmother's condition...I took Bachan outside and we sat under the trees holding hands and then I massaged her legs.  She wondered where her children were.  I told her that her oldest son had died or else he would be there.  She got sad for a moment. Then said, "What about the rest?" "I'm not sure," I answered.  And, we laughed. Because sometimes there just isn't an answer.  Then the day nurse AND later the head of nursing came to check in and offer solutions and plans.  The head of nursing came back this evening too.  My grandmother is more weak and tired than she should be on a third day of antibiotics.  Also, the nurse and doctor indicated she would be fine after they reset her arm. She seems less than fine.  Everyone works so fast.  Except my grandmother.  This evening we began the process of teaching her to use the commode in her room now so she won't travel and potentially fall going to the bathroom. Also it is put on her left side so she will use her left and good arm to help herself up.  She did well and was grateful for the help rather than unhappy about the change.  But she was/is so weak and tired. Later, after I put her back to bed and we shared our hugs and kisses and I was talking about some of the lingering questions and concerns with the head nurse, 5 student nurses who had witnessed some of the drama that had unfolded earlier, turned on the lights in her room and proceeded to ask her questions and wanting to take her vitals.  I marched in immediately and said, "NO, you cannot practice on her, she has been through enough.  I don't mean to be mean but I must be clear."  They apologized and seemed to understand.  Then walking with the head nurse directly afterwards I started to cry but just for a moment. Then she too started to cry. Another brief moment.  Of vulnerability. Of humanity.  So many learnings.

I know I will see Bachan again tomorrow.  She needs help with feeding and washing and bedtime...and it is my honor.   

UPDATE: I left her late last night. I got to her later than planned. She was in bed already but her arm sling was on wrong so she was in pain, no one was around. Her eyes were filled with mucus, no-one had wiped her eyes. It was an intimate evening of cleaning her and taking care of her. She allowed me to hold her and wash her and wipe her. I sat in her wheelchair while she lay there on her bed afterwards. Even in her tiredness, she would open her eyes to see me there and ask if I was alright. "Can you sleep with me?". She was worried it was too late for me to drive. At another point, she said, "it is so nice you are here at this late hour, thank you." By the end of my time, I had spoken with the station nurse for the evening, the cna and the lead nurse on duty...I found out their stories too even as we spoke on how things could be better - We all felt lifted connected by this strong yet vulnerable now childlike woman <3