Second year in a row to spend Christmas eve with my grandmother and John at her nursing home. Mostly, it is like any other day or evening. We walk in, sign in, say hello to any of the staff that knows us or any of the elders who are around the front desk. There is a Christmas tree and other decorations but I feel they are taken for granted. No one seems to pay them any mind.

John went down to the activities/dining room to see if Bachan was there before we made our way down the various halls to her room. He stopped to talk to someone at another room – which is a bit unusual since it is more something I do – I am more apt to get side-tracked whereas he is more directed. Turns out this woman, Irene, knew him from his Foundry school days. She had lost her father a few days ago and was there with her mother who fell and now had to be in rehab for a week. I met her, her husband Jim and her mother with my grandmother and John later. Amazing spirit, Irene is older than I and yet has such a youthful and positive way. She was nervous because it was her first time being in a nursing home and she felt uneasy to leave her mother there. We gave our home number and told her to call anytime. I will check on her mother Monday.

When I went to my grandmother’s room, she saw me and lit up. She stood up from her wheel chair and we hugged each other for a long time. "I am so happy to see you" she said. "Thank you for coming!" Money can’t buy this sort of a gift. To know someone is happy to see you, misses you, loves you is just so special. Moments like this I never want to end. And the thing is it has nothing to do with a holiday. She doesn’t even know today is Christmas eve - I told her because we had presents to pass around… comfy soft socks, chocolates and large Pomelos … but, she can’t hold onto this information. Anyway, we like to give gifts and say thank you regardless of the day so this seemed normal to her. My grandma has the most beautiful smile when she is giving or receiving – she finds joy in both. Even if her mind doesn’t hold onto the moment, something does.

We took my grandmother to the same Japanese restaurant where the head chef made her special porridge when she was sick. We brought a pretty bag full of satusuma mandarins aka “Christmas oranges” and wrapped sweets to give to the staff. Every time we go, they treat us like celebrities, bring us extra foods, make a special dish for my grandmother – we always feel spoiled and try to thank everyone. We found out today that the Chef, who started the tradition of making a special dish for my grandmother, had moved to another restaurant, months ago! We had thought we had just been missing him. Today, when they brought a dish for my grandmother I asked if he was in the back. No, I was told, he is gone but we still make the special dish (not on the menu) for you – it is his recipe, he would want us to make this for you! They don’t even know our names really and yet, in some ways, it is all very natural. We have a relationship with these people based on kindness. We smile, bow and wave and tonight we added hugs and handshakes. My grandma shakes with both hands - holds your hand with both of hers and looks you right in the eyes; it is so beautiful to witness. You can’t help but be touched. This is how I wish people could treat each other all the time.

When we got back. John and my grandmother sat down to work on a word search puzzle so that I could get the shower room cleaned and ready for her. First though I wanted to do bachan's nails which needed to be freshened up. I asked John if he would take the nail polish off of one hand while I did the other. The look on his face made me laugh. He had never done it before and didn’t want to hurt her – he did a good job. After finishing my grandmother’s nails, I went over to her roommate Mrs Owen and asked if she needed her nails trimmed. How are your nails, Mrs Owen? I asked. Mrs Owen has had strokes and barely moves or speaks but she understands what is going on and she will speak to me in short one or two word sentences. She wrinkled her nose as if to say, not so good. I saw that her nails had been trimmed but felt they were sharp. She had even scratched herself. I told her I would smooth her nails down for her. As I was doing so, I started to sing quietly “Silent Night” and she started to sing along! Two words for Anna Mae is an accomplishment! I pretended that this was an ordinary thing. I finished her nails and held her hands as we sang the first verses of three more songs together – O little town of Bethlehem, Silver Bells and I’ll be home for Christmas. I thanked her for singing with me. She said, Yes and smiled. She had been crying as we were singing. Not sobs just quiet tears that came from having conjured up such a long ago but happy memory. maybe. I don’t really know. She was smiling the whole time though. I know that.

I headed out to the shower room to organize and clean but stopped to say hello to Leslie. Leslie hardly ever speaks. In fact, I would say hello to her every time I came to visit my grandmother but it was 6 months in before she responded. “Hello” she said then. And, that was all. Now, sometimes she will say yes or make gurgling sounds when I talk to her. I often mention her bright blue eyes. Today, I told her about how years and years ago I wore blue contacts because I wanted eyes like hers but that it just didn’t fit with my complexion. She started laughing and laughing – a kind of faraway held laugh but one that made her body shake and her eyes twinkle even more. I laughed with her and I touched her shoulder and she smiled and nodded.

The shower room which is more a storage room was full with plastic shower chairs and plastic bins. I cleared the area and washed the section I would undress, wash and dress her in with soap and water. I wear latex gloves for this but never when I wash her – skin on skin is best then I can tell if she is clean and rinsed. I lay down large towel like blankets as our staging area – She never complains about or questions this large unusual set up – she knows I am doing the best I can with what we are given. "Thank you for helping me" she always says. As soon as the warm water hits her back she says over and over, “Oh that feels so good!” A weekly event that is always full with laughter and a big grateful hug at the end – I hug her she hugs me. When I am alone with her, everything is done with one hand holding onto her. When John is with us, I get a little break that way as he will make extra sure she doesn’t fall. Whatever the configuration, we make a great team whether it be the two of us or the three of us though I prefer when it is three.

“So now I get to go to bed?” my grandma asks. “I am going to sleep so good!” she says. “Thank you for everything!!” She hugs John and then me and then gets into bed always at a funny angle, so I help her straighten her out, make sure her pillow is right and hand her a little bear named Brownie given by an angel named Aldo and tuck her in.  I kiss her cheeks, both eyes and forehead, she laughs and pulls me in for a hug. “I’ll see you tomorrow” she says. “Sweet dreams” I say. Thank you again she says and Good Night. Then John steps out of the room as I go over to Mrs Owen who has been waiting. I love you too, Mrs Owen I say. I love YOU too! she exclaims. I jumped a bit the first time she did this. Now, it warms my heart. Can I get a hug I ask? YES she says and she pulls me in hard and holds on tight before letting me go. Sweet Dreams I say. Sweet Dreams she says.

My grandmother is already asleep. She has no worries or fears and so sleeps easily. John has been standing in the hall (with our basket of pomelos) waiting as he does, he understands this isn’t just about my grandmother here even if she is my first priority. We say good-bye to the nurses, cna’s and other residents still awake. You drive safe now, yells Bill who once threatened a nurse with a knife – he’s having a good night, feeling hospitable. Jenny who is sitting in her chair reading stops to say Merry Christmas. Mr Lee who is starting to fade away nods, he is not all gone. And, down the hall, Henry wheels himself to his sink so he can brush his teeth. The lady in the room closest to the front desk is yelling about something but when we ask her if she is okay stops to say, I am fine thank you. Then begins again. Life goes on.