Learning To Listen With My Whole Self

Posted by Anuj Pandey on Mar 16, 2017
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[I'd imagine all of us were very touched by a share in the Awakin Circle last night.  We've transcribed it below, in the spirit of gratitude.]

I started coming to this circle about a year ago. When I first started coming, I was determined to speak at every single circle. I did this because I had a very repressed childhood and I found speaking in my adulthood to be empowering. I was here to demonstrate that power. What I found a few months later was that, often, instead of really listening, listening with my whole self to the circle and what was being offered here, I'd sometimes be practicing what I was going to say in my head instead and listening to myself. I think some of you are laughing because you might have done this too.

That was really disappointing to me because sometimes what I heard was golden and what was I doing instead was listening to the measly 2 cents I was about to offer the rest of you.

Then, a funny thing happened. I got sick. I got quite sick and I wasn't able to come for a few months. When I came back and even now, my body is tired. Very, very tired. I'm very fatigued. I find myself with very little attention left. As a result, I find myself listening a lot more with my whole self to the room. It's a beautiful gift.

Normally, I'm not the kind of person who appreciates silver linings. When life gives me a lemon, I say, "What the heck? I don't want lemonade. I want champagne." That's usually my perspective on lemonade.

So, I find it funny that I'm able to find this silver lining in my sickness. Not just finding it, but for actually having gratitude for my sickness that has brought me to listen to the room -- to each one of you -- which I did today before speaking.

Thank you so much.

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