Interns Dialogue With Vinny!
ServiceSpace
--Audrey Lin
15 minute read
Jul 27, 2016

 



Dialing in from band camps and boardrooms and regular old living rooms, six of us circled up for our Week 8 “determination”-themed summer interns call on Tuesday! :)

A few weeks back, we were blown away by How Vinny Changed His High School Culture.  To our delight, Vinny delightfully joined our interns call for an illuminating Q&A. After a round of check-ins (in which we swapped stories of determination from our weeks, and serendipitously learned that all three teenagers play the clarinet!), our interns, Saheli and Jacob, rolled into an energized Q&A to dive deeper into Vinny’s experiences.

As context, this past spring, in the aftermath of a student suicide and shooting in his school community, Vinny wanted to spread kindness at his school. To that end, he organized a week of showing his school community that they matter. From him personally writing letters to all 670 classmates in his senior class to a dozen student coordinators and staff across various departments and student groups collectively crafting personalized notes to all 2400 students at his school, surprising everyone with gifts (uniquely relevant to each student!) in their lockers, giving flowers to every girl and chocolates to every boy, showcasing student talents, making inspiring videos, and rallying school spirit— by the end of the week (and in the months that followed) there was a visceral shift in not only his school climate, but also, in himself.



Below are a few snapshots excerpts from our conversation.

Amit: We read about the “You Matter Week” that you put on for your school. How did the idea for it come to be?

V: The idea started rolling around in my head during my freshman year. At that time, I actually had an incident happen to myself. I was playing soccer and I fell. I broke all my front teeth. So I was missing all my eight front teeth. When I went back to school, it was kind of strange for other kids. They weren't as accepting, and I understand why. They were like, "Whoa, you're missing your front teeth!" And I couldn’t talk much. I didn't want them to see my [missing] teeth.

Because I usually was a talkative guy, I was able to talk to any group. But since I was not conversing [due to my teeth], it was easier to look at everyone from an outside perspective. And I noticed how people formed their own groups-- like the basketball guys, and all these other groups would just keep to themselves. I realized that a lot of them are really similar, but they didn't have any reason to come together. They may come together at a basketball game or for a pep rally, but just at lunch, no one was really conversing with one another. I found that really strange. … Everyone was really friendly, but they just needed a bridge, an excuse, to talk to each other.

Then, senior year (this past year), unfortunately for me and my school there were a lot of tragedies. One girl committed suicide and a month after that another student’s family had a murder—and that student dropped out of school. So the morale of my school went from like, say 90 to 20. … So I had this idea and I sent it to the district. They said no, because complications or issues could come up. I then branched out parts of the idea to other people—so instead of just me running it, it ended up being organized by 12 students and bunch of staff and departments. We were able to do it because there was involvement of staff and other departments.

If no one knows who’s leading something—if they realize it’s a joint effort—they’re more likely to embrace and join it. During the week, no one knew who to pinpoint as the source of the activities and everything —so they’d pinpoint themselves or the culture of school.  And the following month, you’d see freshmen hanging out with seniors. At basketball games, we went from 270 to 700 students in the audience… Students just wanted to be together and support each other. For an academic decathlon, a bunch of people drove out thirty minutes to support five kids they didn’t know, but who were part of the school.

Saheli: What other big changes did you see in your school after that week?

V: I live in a pretty good community.  The week after our “You Matter Week,” the neighboring schools actually broke out into a lot of fights. But at our school, nothing happened. Everyone was just calm. No fighting occurred. That was strange, because of what had happened in the community at that time. I think that just goes back to the fact that everyone really felt involved and connected with the school. Usually when something happens, it's just a domino effect. But luckily that domino effect [of the other schools fighting] didn't affect our domino effect. I guess the week had spread a little bit of kindness.

At our school, people were just more open to talk with one another. They went up and said, “hi” to the librarians and the librarians loved it. But just in general, everybody was willing and they were smiling. A lot of times, at school, people focus on their academics and they get really stressed out. But that was not the case-- even the library was just loud. It was awesome. There was just a good atmosphere. I can't describe the ambiance, but it goes from something that was melancholy to one that was jubilant. It was nice.

Jacob: How has what you’ve done changed you as a person? How did it make you grow as a person? How has your mindset changed?

V: Going back to the letters for the seniors—I remember when I was writing those letters, I’d focus on people's qualities. What made them great, and what made them unique. Now, when I look at people at my school, I'm like, "Wow, I want to emulate the qualities that they have." So I start embracing what they have. And whenever I met them, I had a new level of respect, a new level of admiration for them. That's what the letters gave me.

When it came to the week, I think what was so fascinating— what changed me— was just how humbling it can be to see everyone smile, and smile together. Because a few weeks before, everybody was not smiling together. Everybody had their eyes downcast—they had their head down together. It was a strange atmosphere to be in. And then for that to change to everyone smiling, even if they don't know who you are. … Now when I’m walking around, like when I’m at the mall, I just smile at people. People might think I'm weird, but I just try smiling at who ever I can.

… From that day, I realized a smile can go far. Remember someone’s name can go far, too, but if you can get everybody to smile together, you don't need to talk. A smile is a type of language that everybody understands. If you can smile, most people will melt. And they will smile back at you. That's how you can create a connection. From that week, I learned that. I learned that a smile is for sure the universal language. Because it can touch anyone.

Audrey: Speaking of writing letters, that reminds me of Jacob’s letters to the elderly! :)

Amit: And the stunning gratitude cards that Saheli’s been working on this summer! :)

Jacob: Vinny, how did you and your friends get together to start this?

V: A lot of kids were hesitant because it was before AP season and they wanted to focus on studying. But I knew a few people that were really interested in doing things like this. One girl made art and would send it to the homeless shelter. She'd go to the food bank and serve food, but she'd also sit there and make portraits of the people there. I thought that was amazing, so I thought she'd like to get involved. And she did! And she knew a whole bunch of friends who also wanted to get involved. So it was kind of like the kindness card that kept on going. We naturally formed a group that way. A couple groups got excited and other groups got excited when we asked them. Whenever you start something new, it's usually not the first person that's super courageous in starting it, it's usually the people who follow—because they have to be courageous enough to follow so that other people can follow.

Jacob: After seeing the effect of the acts on Monday and Tuesday, do you think people really began to become more passionate about it as the week went on?

V: When we were working on putting the week together, a lot of people dropped out. Because it took about a month of setting it up, and a lot of people had their own commitments, which I respect. But throughout the week, the people who stayed on [to work on it] felt fulfilled because they saw how other people were energized by it. Going back to the letters for my senior class, whenever I sent out letters, I'd receive maybe one or two back every month. That week, for each letter I sent out, more letters came back. And also all the people I wrote to wrote back to that anonymous person, thanking me for that week. But a lot of people were thanking me for what the art team or film department did. So I would just cut that gratitude out and send it to them [the art or film folks], to let them know that people really appreciated what they did. And when they saw that positive feedback, they were really happy.
                                                                                               
Pranidhi: You mentioned that when you first reached out to the district for permission to do this, they said no. Did you have a moment when you thought you might just not do it? What was your process in deciding to innovate and make it happen?

V: My district is one of those districts that unfortunately has had bad things happen at its schools. So they just wanted to be as secure as possible. When they first said no, I was kind of confused. Then their lawyers sat down with me and explained a couple of the bad things that could happen. So I understood.

But one thing that they were focusing on was the fact that it was led by one person— and by a student. So I said, "Okay, if I can get many people involved, and if I could present it not to the district, but more to the staff— because if the staff is running it, they might be more inclined to do it." So I changed the approach a little bit. But with anything you just -- I guess we transform-- we evolve, the idea doesn't change at all. So I guess we just evolved the idea to get more people involved. So it was a blessing in disguise, because more people were involved in it.

Audrey: It takes a lot of courage and inner conviction to really stand for what you believe in— in the face of people doubting you or telling you to consider other things. How do you stay rooted in your own inner truths, no matter what anyone else says?

V: One thing that Jainism (which is my religion) follows is that there is a multiplicity of truth. They say whenever you look at a circle, your knowledge is only 15 degrees of it. There's still 345 degrees of that truth. So when you come across a difficult situation, one thing to realize is that your truth may be correct, but it might just be from a different viewpoint. If you can step back and look at a different viewpoint, and you understand their perspective, and you can work with them, then you can get something done. That helped me. I stood back, and I tried to look from the district's perspective. They wanted more staff involvement. So I just got staff involvement. ...

With any truth, in getting something done, I don't believe in the idea of being too stubborn about it. Everybody has their own perspective. But if you can just take a step back and look at their perspective, that's more meaningful than looking at your own. When the district said no, I just took a step back and let it transform to what it needed to be. Maybe not what I want it to be, but that doesn't matter. What matters is there's one goal, and if someone has another perspective to it, just ask how you can merge it. Because usually, if two people think they're correct, if you can merge it together, then you can be ultra correct. :)

Amit: Knowing that this was originally your idea, but you had to take a step back and say, “it’s not really about me, let me get others involved,” how did you deal with that internally, in terms of your ego? Were you upset that you had to share the vision and credit? How did you process that before, during, and after?

V: I remember I was kind of mad, actually. I remember sitting in one of our planning circles and I was trying to direct everyone in one way. I would tell them, "This is the way you should go." And they said, "No." I remember one time I got a little stubborn. One of the kids said, "Let's force kindness on them." I'm like, "Oh you don't force something." But that's how they viewed it. I just couldn't understand why they would view it like that. And my ego would come in the way.

But then I realized things weren't going my way, but things were going in a progressive way. I realized that what was making it not move further was my adamant mentality—as in, I came up with the idea to go this way, but after the first week, we got nothing done! So I thought, "If you want to go with our ideas, I'll just be the moderator." You can't force people to focus your way-- not when you have 25 people in the group. So just let it evolve.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter who gets it done, as long as it gets done. So even the flower idea, a lot of people didn't know it was me who did it. A lot of people were saying, "Lauren did it" or "Sam did it" or "Jacob did it." And that's good because when people throw names out, they feel they were very involved. And they were very involved. It made them feel good. It made me feel good as well, because my goal was to make them happy, and they were happy. So I just had to focus on the goal I wanted, and when I did that, I was like, "Okay, I'll be the moderator."

Amit: How would your peers react to the story getting out with your name on it?

V: I remember when ABC 7 called us and asked us if they could do a piece about the week. I stood back and said, "Oh, I want to be on TV, man." :) But then I thought, "Is that really important to me? Maybe not." So I thought, “Let the three other main coordinators also go on TV.” Because, in reality, they did as much as I did. And that's what happened. They didn't end up on TV, but an article was written for them with those three names— that they ran the program. Which was very amazing because they were and felt very involved. It gets to the point now, when people think of my high school, they think of this program. Even though it doesn't have my name on it, (and if it did have my name on it, I don't think it would matter) a lot of feedback said, "It was our high school's event". ... What people focused on was not whose name is in it, but the collective impact it made.

Jacob: It's really admirable that you let others have the spotlight, because that's not what's important. What's important is trying to spread the kindness. I really love your thoughts on truth-- you were able to recognize that your truths may be right, but not right for the specific situation.

Saheli: I liked how you said you were always happy when others got credit because it helped them feel more involved. But did you ever feel bad when you didn't get the credit for something?


V: I just know that you just learn from things. … When it comes to doing something nice for somebody else, going off what Pranidhi said, there’s always an ego to it. But that definition of ego is too broad. When I started organizing the week, I did have ego-- but that ego can be motivation. I think ego, if you know how to manage it— if you can be the catalyst of it rather than it consuming you— it can propel you to focus and to do something that's inspiring.

I remember when I was eight years old, I didn't get MVP in my basketball championship. I wanted to be like Kobe Bryant. But that little ego motivated me to refine my basketball shot. So when I played the next season, I didn't just get first place, I got into All Stars and everything else. And that little ego, that little sadness, did transform. But I was able to control it. So everyone needs to have those emotions, so you can control it, and you can affect someone else's life that way, too.

I think that's something that's not really taught. At school, I never sat down in preschool and got taught to control my ego. It was mostly all about trying to beat the kid next to you. If we can be taught how to control our ego, it can be a good form of energy, for sure.

Pranidhi: You bring up such great points. All three of you are in this pivotal moment in your lives where you're getting ready to go to college. And there's so much competition in your generation of getting into college and choosing your career. How do you take some of these values and infuse them into processes that can be competitive?

Jacob: I think it's a very competitive environment, but you can never let your ego get in the way. I've noticed with myself that sometimes that little bit of selfishness, especially when I work really hard on something, does show up. So you need to manage that and recognize that you have that selfishness—like you need to admit it to yourself. And then you want to do what's best for everyone—make sure everyone's best interests are in mind. That goes hand-in-hand with stubbornness. You can be determined, but don't let it go too far to be stubborn and unwilling to cooperate with others. Because ultimately, we're going to be in college soon and we want to still have friends in high school, and be able to connect with them instead of on our own paths, individuals, away from everyone. I posted this quote on Facebook earlier today: "What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity."

Saheli: For me, instead of going against other people, it's more about going against yourself. It's more about pushing yourself to do better, rather than pushing yourself to do better than other people. Rather than comparing yourself to the person that got a 95 on their test, I think it's more about saying, "Last time I got a 95, this time I should get a 96." Or small things like that. The main thing for me is to focus on myself rather than what the other person's doing right next to me.

V: That's a great point, Saheli, on how we should focus on improving ourselves, and not get jealous. I know when I'm going to college, I'm going for a scholarship, and you have to compete with people. Which is kind of hard... When it comes to jealousy, that's just an external factor. So that's something you shouldn't focus on. When it comes to something that you want to preserve and improve in yourself, you can do that.        

 

Posted by Audrey Lin on Jul 27, 2016