Paradox Of Change

Posted by matthew kowalski on Apr 13, 2014
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A reflection from a wonderful Awakin Call yesterday with Claudia: We have our own life’s triggers daily that we deal with and eventually come to a place of acceptance from our own extreme self-care. We go out into the Hornet’s Nest of Life. We start to make open requests and elicit self-change thoughts for others. Sometimes, the persons we hope to help or support meet us with resistance. Maybe they feel distrust, or maybe they’ve heard and seen it all before and don’t believe change is possible. Our part in being full measured means that we become responsible, willing partners with them, shadow and spirit guides to our fellows as they struggle through their own experience of the Stages of Change. So as they process, denial, anger, judgment, defense and protection, we may find ourselves struggling with our own reactions. No matter how skillful you are, we all can get caught up in a feedback cycle. This gets uncomfortable, and this also is where change is likely to happen. This is where I am having trouble. The more I strive to do service, the more I hold toxicity for the other. I find myself mimicking and using the old tricks of the trade. Control, agenda, not being in acceptance, having expectations, and manipulation. How do you hold this paradox of change?

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Comments (2)

  • Chris Johnnidis wrote ...

    Great inquiry Matthew. Can't say I have any answers, but it does remind me of a Carl Jung quote: All the greatest and most important problems of life are fundamentally unsolvable. They can never be solved, but only outgrown.

    (And I think that's a redux...full quote is: "Here and there it happened in my practice that a patient grew beyond himself because of unknown potentialities, and this became an experience of prime importance to me. I had learned in the meanwhile that the greatest and most important problems of life are all in a certain sense insoluble. They must be so because they express the necessary polarity inherent in every self-regulating system. They can never be solved, but only outgrown.")

  • Janis Daddona wrote ...

    Matt, thank you for your refreshing, honest question. All of us experience this, Those of us who are more self aware struggle with doing things differently. Some times we succeed, sometimes not. But here's another question for your question: If through others' behavior we learn how to have more patience, tolerance, or to see our own shortcomings in them, may the opposite also be true? Do others have a chance to see their behavior mirrored? Do our flaws give them the chance to do something different when we are the challenge for them? The older I get the more I think I don't need to find the best, most moral place to stand so much as I need to get more graceful at dancing. :-)