When You and Your Child Are Stuck in a Bad Pattern
September 23, 2023
Quote of the Week
"The sign of great parenting is not the child's behavior. The sign of truly great parenting is the parent's behavior." -- Andy Smithson
When You And Your Child Are Stuck In A Bad Pattern
"Sages say that raising children is one of the best paths to enlightenment because it stretches the heart and teaches us to love. And given how easily our kids can drive us crazy, it's true that every parent has daily opportunities to grow, by digging deep in search of patience and compassion! Luckily, we're strongly motivated by our love for our children, so we stretch.
Sometimes, though, we get stuck. We find ourselves fighting the same battle over and over. Of course, it's natural that we will have to remind our children repeatedly to do things they aren't motivated to do. That normal childish behavior is best handled with a sense of humor. They do learn, with time and repetition, as long as they feel connected to us and therefore WANT to follow our lead.
But what about those times when the cycle escalates? When we're stuck in resentment, or the assumption that it's all our child's fault, and he should be different? It's only human to think we should be able to make our child to change.
But children (and adults!) naturally rebel against force, so you can't actually control anyone except yourself. Luckily, if you change how you engage with your child, your child will change how he responds.
That's why change needs to start with us. We're the adult, so it's our job to start the peace process." [Read Article]
Title: You Don't Understand Me: The Young Woman's Guide to Life
By: Tara Porter
For: Pre-teens to 18
"For girls and young women these are shifting times: never before have they had so much freedom and choice, but never before have they had so many demands placed upon them - by themselves as well as others.
Writing directly to girls and young women Dr Tara Porter draws on decades of experience to offer them insight into their own psychology. From exams to friendship, from families to love, Tara pulls together everything she has learnt to provide an accessible explanations and suggestions for teenagers and young women everywhere. Like a warm letter from a wise friend or big sister, You Don't Understand Me understands the young person's perspectives andguides them through their challenges they face.
You Don't Understand Me is written to teenagers and young women. But in explaining young women to themselves, it also provides an indispensable guide to their parents: a glimpse behind the rolled eyes and the protestations their daughter makes: You Don't Understand Me." -- Publisher
Be the Change
"Next time your child pushes your buttons, consider this: No one can make you feel upset. If you're getting triggered, that's your responsibility. Sure, your child's behavior is annoying you. And maybe for good reason. But that’s YOUR annoyance.When we get triggered, we over-react. And that can inflame our child's behavior, even if we're trying to do the opposite. So when you notice that a given issue always makes you mad, take that as a cue to do some work on yourself."
Next time your buttons are pressed by your child, take a moment to check-in with yourself to see if you're pouring from an empty cup and are too depleted to give your child what he/she needs. Consider what factors in your own context may be driving you to react in the way that you are. As this week's featured article reminds us, getting through a stuck patch with our kids starts with us looking within ourselves as parents.