January 20, 2018

Quote of the Week

"If your compassion does not include yourself it is incomplete." --Jack Kornfeld

How To Help Teens Become More Self-Compassionate

"Sad to say, almost 80 percent of us treat others with more compassion and kindness than we offer to ourselves. When our friends have a bad day, we support them in every way we know how; when we’re having a bad day or fail at something, we generally beat ourselves up with self-criticism.

And teens? They beat themselves up even more. As their cognitive capabilities become enhanced in early adolescence, teens become more self-aware and, subsequently, more self-conscious. Psychologist David Elkind calls this phenomenon “the imaginary audience,” because teens often believe that others are as attentive and aware of them as they are of themselves. This microscopic examination generally breeds harsh self-criticism, so the need for self-compassion among teens is paramount.

Research has shown that teens (and adults) can benefit from self-compassion in a variety of ways. For teens, self-compassion appears to have a protective effect against trauma, peer victimization, depression and self-harm, and low self-esteem. Contrary to what some believe, studies suggest that self-compassionate people have greater motivation to improve, not less: They don’t let themselves off the hook for bad behavior but confront their shortcomings head-on. Self-compassionate people don’t get mired in selfishness or self-pity, but actually have greater compassion toward others." In this article, Dr. Karen Bluth from UNC-Chapel Hill shares strategies from her mindful self-compassion program for teens.

Reading Corner

Title: Self-Compassion for Teens: 129 Activities and Practices to Cultivate Kindness
By: Lee-Anne Gray
Ages: 13 and older

"For a teen, self-compassion opens the door to loving and gratifying relationships, the full unfolding of intelligence, and deep wellbeing in all domains. In this groundbreaking book, Dr. Lee-Anne Gray offers the most clear, thorough and accessible guidance in teaching teens self-compassion that I have encountered or could imagine. My prayer is that anyone who is engaged with teens find their way to this book; the ripples will awaken consciousness everywhere."
-- Tara Brach, PhD, Author, Radical Acceptance and True Refuge

Be the Change

Here are some audio meditations that can help teens practice self-compassion. You and your teen can try out some of them and then share with each other how it made you feel and whether it is something you would like to continue to do. Ask your teen how this practice might help when faced with a challenging situation at school or home.