March 25, 2017

Quote of the Week

"If you can pay attention to somebody, without being carried away by your thoughts, that's an expression of love. Only when you love somebody can you do that." -- Haemin Sunim

Zen And The Art Of Family Maintenance

"Some people, if you ask them a question, answer quickly. Others take a moment to think first. Haemin Sunim looks up, slightly to the right, and allows 14 seconds to pass before he answers one of my questions. I counted, when I listened to the recording. And here’s something: waiting for his reply, I didn’t feel even remotely uncomfortable. Because taking time is Sunim’s thing. He’s a Buddhist monk who has become internationally famous for it. His book Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down [...] directly addresses problems facing people around the world. Some of this is based on his personal experience. Much is based on what he has learned from people who ask for his help.

Many of the questions are about family life. 'I encourage people to have a very intimate and close relationship with their child, when the child is one, two, three, four and five. You should pour your attention and love into them. But when the child has grown up, it’s different. Often parents are so much in love with their child that they want to do everything – even when the child is in their 20s. I say, ‘Maybe you can let your child know that he is already an adult. Say, 'I love you very much but it’s time for you to grow up.'"

In this inspiring article from The Guardian newspaper, a Zen Buddhist monk reminds us, through sharing personal stories of his own upbringing, that one of the most meaningful expressions of love for members of our families is to simply slow down, be fully present and pay attention. [read full article]

Recommended by Rakhee Hindocha

Reading Corner

Title: Under Pressure: Rescuing Our Children from the Culture of Hyper-Parenting (US Title) or Under Pressure: Putting the Child Back In Childhood (European Title)
By: Carl Honore
Stage: All!

Why? "With the pressure growing all the time for children to get into the best schools and universities, or to develop their nascent talents and become the next Tiger Woods or Williams sister, it has never been more difficult to be a child. In Carl Honore's brilliant follow-up to In Praise of Slow, he makes an impassioned call for parents and teachers to allow children to grow up at a slower rate. He takes us on a journey round the world in search of a new formula for parenting and childhood. He interviews experts in Europe, North America, and the Far East, talks to families around the world and sifts through the latest scientific research to find what problems parents, teachers and children face, and to seek out the best solutions. Honore shows how 'slow parenting' will benefit both the child and the parents, and ensure that we create happier children and calmer parents." -- Publishers

Be the Change

Make an extra effort to slow down and pay attention to your children this week, expressing your love simply through your whole-hearted presence. Perhaps you might do this by mindfully listening to them when they want to tell you something, or even simply by taking some time to slow down and mindfully observe whatever your children are doing in that moment.

Looking for more inspiration?  Read about one Mom's personal experiment with slow parenting and how she responded when she challenged herself to spend 60 seconds not giving her children any instructions.