Community - Week 6 - Call Highlights

“You are the Sky – Everything else, it’s just the weather.” – Pema Chodron

“I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.”― Mother Teresa

“Some people grumble that roses have thorns; I am grateful that thorns have roses.”― Alphonse Karr, A Tour Round My Garden



We began with a minute of silence.

Then Somik offered two questions:

What practice did you try this week?
What did you notice about community?

Amir resigned from his job.  His practice was vulnerability.  He has evolved authenticity in his career and beyond.  He feels ecstatic, nervous, and excited about what can and will emerge.  To practice vulnerability, he got in touch with his feelings and shared with his co-workers and others.  He sees expansive possibilities in this practice.  In terms of community, he sees that it will grow as he shares his true self.  His authentic sharing invites others to be vulnerable as well. 

Hang reminded the group of her intervention with two arguing managers, posted on the feed.  She also told us of a supplier, a single mom living in the village, who is stressed.  Instead of discussing her problems with others, the single mom complained on Facebook and at large.  Hang recognized this as a distress cry and noted that she had no one to talk to her.  Hang sent someone to see her.  She noted that if we don’t know how to transform emotions, we lash out at others.  This helped her understand the recent violence in Nice.  When we can’t compost negative feelings, this can lead to violence.  She shared a story of the Buddha:  Buddha was speaking and he noticed someone in his audience moving his toe.  He stopped and noticed three times and then asked him, “Why are you moving your toe?”  The man replied that he didn’t know why.  Buddha said, “If you don’t know why you move your toe, you don’t know why you might kill others.”  Hang wondered how we might hold the space for the possibility of helping people compost negative feelings.

Manu practiced accepting things she cannot change.   This involves letting go as well.  She related a story of participating in a circle where the practice was letting go.  A participant referred to it as a sad circle.  Manu asked him, “What is letting go for you?”  He replied, “It is moving on.”  Manu noted that this involves grieving.  Part of letting go is letting go of grieving.  We are called to practice staying with the feeling, not trying to push it away. 

Jaideep practiced making his heart bigger.  He is creating Happiness Workshops, involving communities coming together and expanding.

Monica practiced more awareness of limitations and trying to do too much.  She noticed a lack of boundaries and spending her energy too far and wide.   She has noticed values conflicts – in an Argentinian festival, she felt the tension of promoting meat eating, when she is a vegetarian.  She encouraged the festival to promote “Meatless Monday.”  People were open to it.  Another group approached her with a beer fest to raise money.  Monica practices salsa without alcohol.  She encouraged them to find a way to raise money without alcohol.  They were open to change.  Monica noted that she is still not in balance and is working toward balance.

Penny expressed gratitude for our six-week journey.  She appreciates all the time we’ve all given as it has enriched her life.  She spoke of the parallel journey with her organization and her pregnancy.  She appreciates the encouragement she has received.  The past week has been difficult as she wraps up to take time off.  Her organization applied for a ¾ million dollar grant from Google. She attended a team meeting on Friday that was disconcerting.  She realized that lots of people on her team are not happy.  She wants everyone to be happy.  She practiced sitting with the discomfort and finding acceptance. 

Parag said that this week was like a party.  Instead of calling 50 people for two hours he spent time with 2 people for 50 hours at home.  He got to practice everything we’ve learned.  He had a call with a community leader last night, which was great.

Bonnie practiced releasing the need to multi-task.  She noticed how much she multi-tasks.  This limits her ability to be present to what is.  She shared an issue with her eyes that enforces self-care.  She is grateful for the opportunity to grow in her ability to care for herself and noted that she has more to give when she is stable and nurtured.

Audrey expressed gratitude to her mother this week.  Her mom tried to deflect, but even so, something expanded energetically.  This caused Audrey to remember Amir’s story about speaking with a co-worker.  Audrey noted how a small conversation can make a difference.  It shifts the energy level, in and around her. 

Birju is grateful to be back on the call after missing last week.  All is well.  This week, he practiced assuming value everywhere.  He typically has a strong efficient mindset.  He attempts to squeeze everything out of every minute to serve a future good.  He has ideas about how to spend time the “right way.”  He doesn’t typically hang out but this week, he stayed in the lounge at his workplace for 10-minutes or so.  He became a “time-waster,” and had the experience of connecting.  He stated that it’s hard to know sometimes how one can be of service.  He practices looking at what feels uncomfortable and where he judges others for “not doing it right.”  Then he engages in that which he has labeled imperfect in others.

Somik shared that his wife had an emergency on Monday.  He noted that the health care system is designed to focus on micro-tasks, yet people were very caring as they held space to allow them to make important decisions.  Somik received help and well wishes from their friends.  These efforts had a healing effect on his wife.  He is becoming aware at new levels.  At Whole Foods, he noted a magazine with Pema Chodron on the cover.   A quote by the picture said, “You are the sky.  Everything else, it's just the weather.”  This was a great gift, a nugget of gold at the check-out counter. 

Audrey transitioned us to the open mic portion of the call.  The theme was community.  She asked, “What is the role of community?”  She quoted “If you want to go fast, go alone.  If you want to go far, go together.”   She shared a story about a young doctor in upstate New York.  He visited a nursing home and noted it was designed for safety and sanitation.  He felt the need for community, so he brought in animals, a garden, and childcare programs to connect the elderly with young people.   This had a positive impact on the residents as indicated by decreased need for medication, fewer deaths, and more patient discharges from the facility.   The community oriented environment enhanced health and brought a sense of purpose to life.  

Audrey also noted that some communities have community over-kill.  There is too much social pressure, leading to shame and despair when norms are not followed.   She asked, “What role does community play for each of us?”

Birju cited a study from University of San Diego that measured the impact of moods on community.  He stated that the happiness or sadness of someone affected their friends by 50% and their friend’s friends by 25%.  He noted that there is a longing for community. 

Somik pointed out a common thread around awareness in our call.  The Careless Society reading questioned the way we’ve organized systems.  This reminded him of Ivan Illich, who noted the early teachings of church were around compassion.  The church wanted to institutionalize it and hence outsourced compassion.  Yet we care deeply for one another.  Somik asked “How do we live in this paradox?”  He also said that he has met many people with a longing for community, yet they are surrounded by difficult people – family, workplace, etc.  People say, “The ground where I am planted does not feel alive.”  He asked us how we can be in relationship with that? 

Amir reminded us that Donna had a friend who lost her son in the violence in Nice.  He pointed out the broader sense of community.   He shared that when his mother was diagnosed with cancer, his sister said “This doesn’t happen to us.”  Amir remembered that what happens impacts all of us.  We are still one community on a micro level.  His questions regarding having a broader impact on community led to his resignation.   He will stay as a consultant and teach mindfulness.  Coming to a place of authenticity helped him create this path.  He hopes to help others find their way so violent events don’t happen. 

Jaideep shared a story of measuring the impact of this program.  He took several calls with a professor from Lebanon to resolve a problem.  There was no power in her house and she had to walk for an hour.  In the course of their conversation, she related that someone gave her a flute.  Her heart is in playing the flute.   This interest connected them. 

Birju asked us to think about our relationship with community and ask “Where is your longing?”

Monica noted that Argentina is very community based.  It can be overwhelming at times but it also feels supportive.  The economy is bad, but people are happy because of the support system.  She reminded us of Amir’s words – that events happen and we’re all affected.  She quoted the “Butterfly Effect,” that is when a butterfly flutters its wings, it is felt worldwide.  Monica also commented on Hang’s story about the single mom, and the importance of leaving space for anger in a community.  We have it, we feel it, God gave it to us for a purpose – and we need to provide a space for it.  In herself, Monica notices the longing to bring together the pieces of her life that feel fragmented.  She has been scattered.  Yet she yearns to bring forth a space for mediation and salsa dancing.

Penny noted a contradiction regarding not knowing her own neighbors, yet organizing a program to help people get to know each other.  She is also pursuing a dream to move to central Australia.  She is creating community in Sydney, yet wants to create community elsewhere too, in an environment that sustains her soul.  She recently hosted a beautiful welcome lunch with a mix of personalities – students, people out of detention, and more.  She noted that the will for community has to be there and she holds a broad view of what people are seeking.

Birju raised the issue of transience.  We are part of a global community with increasing transience.  He stated that while living in NYC, in many different apartments, he didn’t know his neighbors.  He asked, “How do we work through transience?”

Penny stated that transience seems to be the way the universe is evolving us.  She visited 33 countries, where she was “adopted” by many.  Now she help others create a sense of home.  She returned to the value of Presencing, noting that community is in the moment.  The structure and skill of creating community in the moment follows us everywhere and is with us forever.

Manu stated that we are all the same wherever we are.  If we build a network, it persists in the world.  We are gardeners of the social field.  The Butterfly Effect is intact.  We have technology, knowledge and wisdom.  Community is not just local, it is global.  The network of laddership is a microcosm of the global network.  We are all affected by what happened in Nice.  She invited us to participate in a minute of silence at noon in France.

Somik reminded us that we can’t have community without authenticity.  This requires meeting people where they are and being real.   The practice of authenticity draws us closer.

Hang quoted Donna and said “Do less and be more.”  She related to what Bonnie and Monica shared in the check-in regarding the tendency to multi-task and over-extend.   She reiterated the value of self-care.  She stated that in Vietnam, it hard to know what to do for one’s community.  The society is divided on many conflicts and people struggle with handling differences.  Hang said that if we return to the micro level of change, we can do something.  She reminded us that while riding a bicycle, one doesn’t look at the top of the hill but rather looks directly at the path in front.  We don’t have to do something special.  It is enough to just be.  When we allow ourselves to be, we are like a tree sending out waves of freshness.  This is most helpful. 

Parag spoke of his wife’s work as a teacher.  She is passionate about children and was happy to go alone.  Now there are 20 volunteers and 3 schools.  There is no hierarchy and no forms.  One has to walk into campus.  He spoke of fearlessness and how does one sustain that.  The idea is to love one child.  We know how to love.  When we see where we are passionate and loving, community comes naturally.  The word community means “common union.”  When you are other centered, community is organic.  You just show up and serve.  Most of our issues are caused by our unwillingness to serve each other.

Birju asked “How do you start to create structure to create community?”  He will offer this question on the Feed, as the call was drawing to a close.

Monica reminded us to be present and authentic.  When one is in a rocky place, it is challenging to be authentic where we are.  But the level of our internal stability affects how much we can offer.   Even when we are unclear, being authentic about our lack of clarity is healing.

Jaideep  - shared the importance of many to many structures.  He also spoke of authenticity and stated that these qualities require a leap of faith.

Amir stated that authenticity has an organic component.  If we come from a natural space, others will want to resonate with us.  They fill skill gaps.   Community evolves naturally through authenticity applied to creating structure.

Audrey encouraged Penny to share about an experience with a volunteer she related in the Breakout Call.

Penny stated that she tries to understand how to be a leader in a social movement.  Movements around an idea tend to sustain better than movements around a person.  She is grateful to have an idea centered organization, although the birthing process is slow.    In the situation with the volunteer that Audrey referred to, this volunteer needed a job and Penny pointed her to a new job.  Even though she was losing a key person at an inconvenient time, Penny continued to affirm “There is no loss.  The gain is already there in their contributions and in the person’s own journey.”  This required deep letting go and trust in abundance.   She also reminded us that when old systems don’t work, the transition sometimes looks messy or at the very least, it will look different. 

Somik shared that last year he was going through a tough time.  He went on a retreat, where a Native American teacher helped him to see his confusion around outcomes and holding space.  Community can only form when people can be of service.  Others can’t be of service to him if he knows all the answers.  He affirms, “Wherever I go, people will help.”  He wants to be the field instead of being the answer. This has moved him forward and allowed community to form.  He used a metaphor of a pearl necklace:  many pearls strung together create something beautiful.  The thread upon which they are strung is the space we hold. 

Audrey shared that Nipun counted the number of pages that the two concurrent laddership circles generated.  The total was 546 pages.  

Audrey then introduced a closing ritual where each anchor read a quote written by a fellow traveler on this journey.

Audrey quoted Bonnie, Parag, Birju and Somik:

"How would I recognize myself without my body? I love this question and I'm working on the answer. I would elaborate by adding how would I recognize myself without my stories, my job, my thoughts, my emotions, my relationships... Who are we? The mystics would say we are pure awareness, but how easy it is to get caught in the world of matter - which is exactly what we're supposed to do, so we can embrace and transcend." --Bonnie

"It takes a very deep humility to deal with power in a rightful way, without our knowing most will abuse power, may be in a very subtle form." [And, from a previous circle: "I have known the love of power, but how deeply do we know the power of love?"] --Parag

"I see the water of money being a water we collectively swim in, that predisposes certain types of behavior, heavily at subconscious levels. I look forward to being able to name this and invite the possibility of each of us to be designers who can choose to grow in awareness of the water and perhaps shift the water." --Birju

"I am now learning that creating such spaces is the work that supports all other work. Whether I am in the office or at home, or in such circles, that is really the work in front of me." –Somik

Birju quoted Audrey, Manu, and Amir:
 “I’m learning how to subtract myself… As Mihir wrote, ‘Can I be there and serve, without getting in the way?’  I’m learning how the more I step back from my own lens of the world (and even from the focus on my own preferences or needs or agenda), I can more naturally tune and step into what’s more of service to the group.”  -- Audrey

“Mid-week we had a gathering with 3 women and kids and one woman was an hour late. I managed to diffuse the concern around the time and use this hour that was given to us to connect with the people being present. We made the most of this time to relax and just be. I was meeting one of them for the first time and it was great. A collective was emerging with a common sense of a need for change for a more balanced world. This is it!” - Manu

“Before leaving for the airport to pick up my Dad, I pulled the car out of driveway. My younger son wanted to tell me something, so I rolled down the window to his warm smile and eager share. Seconds later, my neighbor’s car peeled out of the driveway directly into the pathway I would have been in if not for my son, and demolished a parked car. So many values come to mind in this situation…right now I am grateful and curious.” - Amir

Somik quoted Hang and Penny:

“I studied Law in university. They thought us that ‘human society has to go through phases of development. 1st phase: there is no government yet, 2nd phase: there is government, 3rd phase: no more govt.’I want a social structure w/o govt. :) and no army. Everyone should take 2 years to learn how to farm i/o doing their military service.

I see we are like interconnected pipeline. We receive GIFT, to give it away. Our mission is to keep the pipeline "empty". If we hold on the GIFT, it will make the pipeline narrowed or clogged, which leads to the collapse of the whole system.” – Hang

“I don't think there is any shortcut. To foster compassion, we need to open the heart, mind and will and that takes personal encounters and experiences. I noticed that when I thought I was going to help someone, they actually helped me! A common experience in my life, yet I always forget to hold space for that!What surprised me the most was that once I "let go", a seeming loss was not so much a loss at all if I viewed it with compassion and understanding and trust. In fact in the same day, two amazing people came to our door with unexpected offers of their time and expertise to our project.” - Penny

Parag quoted Ameeta and Jaideep:
“I think the only way we can process discomfort is to be aware of it, allow ourselves to fully feel it and then release it.”  - Ameeta

“Sharing is Caring.”- Jaideep

Bonnie quoted Monica and Donna:

“No guns or weapons of any destruction. War is never an option. (This is a barbaric thing of historic ignorance.) People are aware and conscious of the intricate interconnection to all living things and the delicate ecosystems of our planet. They consume and use only what they need. No excess. Composting and recycling is the norm.”  - Donna

“Wealth is not the amount in the bank for me at all (as I explain earlier), wealth is to be healthy and happy with internal peace. Wealth if the love or so many that surround me. I love kids and I have none, but the kids of my family and friend offer me a wealth of love that is incredible and I feel very wealthy.”- Monica

We began the process of closure:

Hang thanked everyone for holding space.  She told Audrey that she often uses her method of silently asking “What can I do to make your day.”  Hang practices this and it has changed her life.

Penny hopes to stay in touch.  She knows the ripple effect is alive.  She sees it in her friends and in synchronicities.  She will trust the ripples.

Manu also hopes to stay in touch.  She referred to us as beautiful pearls and stated that she was a little sad.  Yet she is learning to let go of clinging. 

Jaideep expressed gratitude and said he would be at our service.

Amir noted that words cannot express his gratitude for the amount of effort put into the laddership experience.   The process and practice exceeded his expectations.  He reminded us that this is not an ending but rather part of the journey.

Monica shared that this has been an amazing experience for her.  She enjoyed the diversity and the depth of souls.   She praised Audrey for being so young yet so awake. 

Audrey said that the collective wisdom of the circle humbled her.  She gave thanks and reminded us of an optional Week 7.  She also reminded us that the Feed would continue. 

Birju expressed the possibility of a reunion.

Parag bowed to the sacred in each of us. 

Monica asked that we remember Donna and Armeeta who couldn’t be with us this evening, in our final moment of gratitude. 

The circle closed with silent gratitude. 

Thank you again for allowing me to serve in this way.  As always, feel free to contact me if you have any feedback, misquotes, praise or other.  :) Warmly, Bonnie