Recently a good friend told me that he got a significant raise. While that’s great news, what was even better was the incredible way he accomplished this without negative conflict, threats, or begging-- and in complete integrity with his values. How did he make the magic happen?

Turns out that my friend (let’s call him M) lives in one of those parts of Silicon Valley where rents have been shooting sky high and continuing to go higher with alarming frequency. Six months ago, M’s wife informed him that they were withdrawing money from savings every month just to make ends meet. Yet right around the same time, M’s CEO announced that it was going to be a tough year at the company and that they had to keep costs to an absolute minimum. M decided that he should reduce expenses to a bare minimum, and ride out the situation as long as he could to avoid embarrassing his boss and putting him in a tough situation, and so didn’t say anything for half a year.

After six months, bonus checks arrived. Turns out that compensation at the company is setup so that everyone takes a low salary, and then gets it made up by bonus checks in biannual increments. This allows the employer to conserve cash and keep everyone employed even in lean times while still keeping employees whole through these bonus payments. That’s all good, except this bonus check represented a pay cut and even if it hadn’t, it would not resolve the situation of M drawing down savings every month. Addressing the situation became inevitable.

Talking about money is challenging. Asking for a raise can be nerve wracking at worst and uncomfortable at best. Seeking advice from a few friends on how to proceed, most responded with conventional wisdom around researching one’s value in the marketplace, coming to the table with a competitive offer, or developing a list of accomplishments that merit the pay increase. M even receives multiple letters from recruiters each week that he could have added into that mix, yet none of this felt right. First, he loved his job and had no intention of leaving. Next, he had a commitment to telling the whole truth. And finally, he had committed to himself to not let money get in the way of great work unless it became a distraction. He decided that he had to be upfront and make himself vulnerable.

M called up his CFO for a meeting on compensation, and his CFO was initially worried when hearing the topic of the meeting. M calmed him down and told him he should not worry. When they were face to face he said, “Don’t worry, I am not giving you any ultimatum. No pressure either. I just need to tell you what’s happening at my end. I am not able to manage cashflow, because my rent increased by $X since I joined, and then I have these other expenses that have shot up which make it impossible to live here. Moving is even more expensive. I would not normally bring this up, but my principle is that when pay becomes a distraction to my work, I have a responsibility to address that distraction. This has been the case for the last six months, but I didn’t bring it up earlier as I didn’t want to embarrass you during a tough year.” He ended with, “There is no pressure on you to act. We will do our best to manage.”

Both left the conversation with their integrity totally intact, one speaking from the values of telling the whole truth, with the other invited to respond from a similar place of wholeness. There also seemed to be no attachment to the outcome, but rather a commitment to an extremely high quality process that was nonviolent and honored each side’s reality. Could such a process-driven interaction result in a timely outcome that improved the situation?

Two weeks passed before M’s CFO called to say they had increased his salary so that pay would no longer be a distraction. Reflecting on the whole process, M mentioned that there was no recrimination, no statement of “I am worth this” and no placing the other party under pressure. Just a feeling of wholeness and love. And that feeling existed even before the raise came through, on account of being true to the intention of telling the whole truth.

What strikes me as I think about this is the other set of values M adheres to: generosity and kindness. Every time I hang out with him, I see him spend at least $20 for the benefit of others, sometimes more. In those preceding months when they had been working to bring expenses to a minimum, I can imagine both M and his wife coming to agreement that practicing kindness was a non-negotiable expense. Let everything else be cut or eliminated, but generosity had to remain intact. How many of us would make a similar decision?

While this interaction resulted in a favorable outcome, its important to be clear that the value was embedded in the process of full integrity that M conducted himself with. This kind of a process definitely leaves everyone richer and happier.

May we all have the courage to act with full integrity!