This is my 7th year teaching at a local college that is recognized for its small class-sizes and individual attention to each one in the community. When I was new to the job, colleagues senior to me offered me the most choice in courses and schedules to welcome me into the community. Their generosity made it easy for me to be integrated graciously as I settled into my new role. I appreciated that and was grateful for their support in setting me up to be successful. Now that many of them have retired and we have several new colleagues, I am one of the senior colleagues who feels responsible to pass on this culture of being considerate. The newer faculty select their courses and schedules before I accept my teaching responsibilities for the year.

Earlier this month, another colleague who had joined the college at the same time as me, assumed an administrative role to coordinate scheduling. She called me while I was away at a conference, asking me to teach an intensive course that starts next month. She wanted an answer right away since the books had to ordered and course instructor announced to the students within days, and before I was back from the conference. Usually the courses are scheduled for the year at the start of the year, so this was a highly unusual request. I stepped up to accept the responsibility for the course, with the caveat that I could only do it if the dates did not conflict with my existing teaching commitments. She did not have the exact scheduled days when we talked on the phone, and had not mentioned these even in the email she had sent me just hours before that call.

On my return from the conference, as I made preparations for the course, I learned that a junior colleague had been scheduled to teach this course and really wanted to do it. He was removed from this course, and given a different one to teach instead. He offered to teach both the courses, this one and the one newly assigned to him, but he was told that was not an option. I am not happy at this because I really did not need to be teaching this course, and only agreed to step in to be helpful, assuming that it was an emergency staffing need. I will get paid extra for it, and most faculty seem happy with that extra compensation, but for 6 of my 7 years at the college, I have consistently turned down extra teaching for extra pay. My first year I had done this, and learned that it is not something I could sustain, since the regular teaching was enough to keep me busy full time already.

I was sufficiently bothered by this to call my colleague who had changed the scheduling to ask why she had made these emergency changes in everyone's schedule. She surprised me by saying there was no emergency, and never was. She explained, in a patient tone, that she had called me at the conference simply because it was urgent and she wanted to make the decision the same day that she had emailed and called me. Yes, she had asked for an instantaneous answer, but said nothing about there being an emergency.

I had simply accepted her urgent call and assumed it was an emergency staffing need. I had dealt with her call quickly since I was busy at the conference, and had not asked any questions about why the schedule was being changed. I had assumed that it must have been precipitated by someone not being able to do it, and stepping away at short notice. I trusted that she would only rearrange the pre-agreed schedules to make it better for everyone involved. I assumed that as one of the seniors around, she had reached out to me to cover this course at short notice because newcomers cannot step into a demanding course as easily. All these assumptions were based on my experience of being protected and treated with a lot of consideration by my senior colleagues when I was new. It did not even occur to me that an experienced faculty member would take a course away from a junior faculty member who wanted to teach it, and was assigned to teach it, to offer it to a more senior colleague. That was simply not my experience at the college ever. It was not consistent with my own commitment to offer the junior faculty their first choice of courses just as I had been given that choice when I was new to the college.

The books have been ordered, the course is just days away, and the other faculty member impacted has resigned himself to the situation, and my mind still dwells on this in a desperate hope to find a teachable moment in this somewhere. I talked to the colleague who used to handle the scheduling earlier, hoping to learn something about the challenges of schedules. I learned that the junior colleague impacted by this change has a serious medical issue. He had carefully pre-arranged his teaching schedule with consideration for an elective surgery that he will be undergoing later in the year. The revision to the schedule probably negatively impacts that too. I know that he is lower in the organizational hierarchy and preoccupied with his health challenges, so not in any position to make a fuss about this. So my mind is taking on the fuss-making instead.

I would like to quiet my mind. I want to not be judgmental and righteous about this. I want to stop worrying and just let it go. I am blaming myself for mistaking something urgent with an emergency and making a bunch of assumptions about my colleagues and college culture. I am blaming my colleague for changing schedules without good-enough reason, other than to simply exercise her newly acquired administrative powers, without ever having been in her shoes. Maybe there is a teachable moment in this mess that will make me avoid stepping into these mishaps in the future. Maybe there isn't. The world can be a messy place and the mind can fuss over that, until eventually finding its inner quiet. I need more practice to stay connected with that inner peace.