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Quote of the Week
"The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well." -- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Ten Steps To Unconditional Love
"We all know that children require unconditional love to thrive. But how many of us feel capable of giving it? We can't, quite simply, give something we don't have inside. Loving your child starts with loving yourself.
So if you didn’t have a perfect childhood, if you're more cranky than compassionate, should you just give up on being a good parent? No. Research shows that we can always grow inside, to become more loving to ourselves and others. In fact, the fastest path to stretching our hearts is parenting, because our love for our child motivates us to grow. (You sacrifice and work harder for your child than for your own well-being, right?)
It takes work, but the good news is that as our hearts get bigger, we’re not just better parents. We’re happier people.
Healing your ability to love takes daily attention and commitment, but it's quite do-able. Think of it like playing the piano. In the beginning, a scale is an effort. But in a year, you can play a sonata. Here's how." [read more]
Reading Corner
 Title: Unconditional Parenting
By: Alfie Kohn
Ages: Adult
"Most books about parenting offer tips for handling kids when they act up: how to get them to go to bed without a fuss; how to cure their picky eating habits; how to stop them from talking back. But Alfie Kohn wants to dissuade parents from making obedience their ultimate goal. Instead, Kohn, who has been writing about parenting and education for more than 20 years, says that parents need to ask themselves, 'What are your long-term objectives for your children?'
'Unconditional parenting' is the term that Kohn uses to describe a relationship where the quality and quantity of parental attention is not limited to punishing a child’s bad behavior and rewarding good behavior. Time-outs, positive re-enforcement, natural consequences, and other commonly prescribed parenting techniques have no place in unconditional parenting. Kohn argues that when we rely on external motivators such as rewards and punishments, we are teaching our children that their worth depends on their actions. Unconditional parenting, on the other hand, assumes the best of the child before us and tries to address the whole person, not just the unwanted behavior.
For example, Kohn describes a tantrum his then four-year-old daughter, Abigail, had soon after the birth of her brother. While conventional advice would recommend withdrawing parental attention or removing privileges as a 'natural' consequence, Kohn says the right response would be to give children like Abigail more attention—perhaps through a special storytime—to address the problem behind their tantrums. He suggests that it is when our children are at their very worst that they need us the most. 'Unconditional parenting assumes that behaviors are just the outward expression of feelings and thoughts, needs and intentions,' he writes. If we leap to punish the 'bad' behavior, we are effectively telling our children that they mean less to us when they act up, and we miss an opportunity to address deeper issues.
Kohn has two children and understands that day-to-day life threatens to overwhelm even the most conscientious parent. But he strongly encourages his readers to begin questioning their methods and motives. 'All of us have considerable room for improvement,' he writes. 'This is as good a time as any to turn things around.' He bolsters his arguments with copious footnotes and 12 pages of references, as well as by sharing numerous real-life stories about his own experiences and epiphanies.
Kohn marshals all this information to make a persuasive argument. Readers who are interested in raising moral and compassionate children will be challenged and inspired by Unconditional Parenting." -- ​Greater Good Science Center Book Review
Recommended by Cubs Editors
Be The Change
Can we learn to love unconditionally? WikiHow thinks so, and has a step-by-step process to follow. It may seem odd to follow a list of steps, but take a look at this user-friendly list and see if any of the steps resonate with you as a person who is a parent, child, partner, friend, colleague, and so much more.
Kindful Kids newsletter is a resource for parents who are keen to teach children about compassion and service. It reaches 4,025 subscribers. You can unsubscribe here.
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